


I'm not ashamed to love you

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Boy Meets World
Genre: Boy Meets World - Freeform, M/M, cory matthews - Freeform, cory/shawn - Freeform, happy ending no angst, not GMW canon, shawn hunter - Freeform, shorey, shory au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 03:40:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5769898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I fall in love five times a day (and he's there to catch me)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm skewing the timeline here I'm sure and prob overlapping episodes but I'm a little rusty when it comes to this show and it's an AU sort of.

Life had never been easy for Shawn Hunter. He'd had to fight and scrape for every morsel of a life that most took for granted (the nice home and hot meals, stability). His parents (the woman he'd came to know as his mother, seeing as his biological mother had abandoned him as quickly as possible and that might as well be a metaphor for his life - _everyone leaves_ ) were shaky at best and the neighborhood he grew up in; the place he called home was questionable at best. As far as he was concerned he was nothing to be proud of; his education was lacking and his behavior wasn't acceptable by any stretch of the imagination and yet, for reasons he couldn't explain, Cory Matthews saw the good in him from the moment he'd wrapped tiny arms around Shawn's on the playground, glasses pushing up on his nose as he held on tight and had kept a firm hold on him ever since.

For once in his life Shawn didn't want to run the other way; he teetered somewhere between shoving Cory as far away from him as he could get and all but begging him with words he couldn't put a voice to, to stay. For once in his life he had someone worth fighting for & with, for that matter as Cory pushed right back and refused to walk away and that? That was worth everything.

He _wanted._

More than anyone, anything.

But Cory deserved better; deserved someone who would be worthy of him - who would stick by his side even when things took a turn for the worst. If their story were a fairytale he would be the dragon - spitting fire and throwing ash anytime someone got too close. But there were rare moments where he might've passed for a princess in her tower up high with arms wrapped tightly around herself until the one she loved cared enough about her to hold her with no expectations - no pedestal she'd never live up to. Still, at the end of the day his lungs would weeze under the weight of fire - in his veins, in his eyes, his heart; he was destruction. He was the fire that devoured the castle and everyone in it then simmered quietly until he was nothing more than a wisp of smoke.

He'd never pass as Cory's happy ending but he'd make damn sure that he was still standing at his side at the end of the day, selfishly and silently taking what he could get. And so maybe it came as a surprise when he saw _something_ between them.

 

In Shawn's dream he took the shape of a sinister being with a skull for a face and midnight black robe covering every inch of his body - he went on a rampage in the school library and took down everyone in his path that dared get in his way. By his own doing, Corey and Topanga were taking a break and the guilt was enough to make him queasy. He saw himself as a force of destruction; taking Cory away from the best thing that had ever happened to him for reasons he couldn't bring himself to say. Somehow he had to repair what he'd broken.

Stepping forward, he took Cory's hand in his own and placed it on Topanga's as they stood gaping at him.

As if in a play the rising action led to the climax - his own face staring back at him in horror and confusion. He'd did this - created this monster in order to slot the pieces back together and undo the damage; to hand Cory back over to Topanga when he'd much rather do the very opposite but that could be catastrophic and he wasn't about to take a chance at losing the only two constant's in his life.

Cory would blame him and that'd be all she wrote. He couldn't risk that.

"Shawn, Shawn wake up."

Cory stood in front of him with his hand clasping Topanga's and he spoke but his mouth didn't move.

"Shawn, you fell asleep."

It was then that he woke to find Cory gently shaking his shoulder and he knew what he had to do.

He straightened his back and walked to Mr. Feeny's desk to confess - "It's my fault. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to kill everyone and ruin everything."

Mr. Feeny stared back, quizzically as Shawn turned to address Cory and the others. 

"I'm sorry. It's not right that the two of you aren't together, it's not. I don't have many people in my life who have stayed."

"The rest of you are dismissed, you can go now," Mr. Feeny said, softly, "And you three can work out your differences."

Cory sighed and stared back at Shawn who was feeling like his heart was full of lead; heavy enough to sink. "I guess we need to talk," he replied as he turned to Topanga.

They exchanged a forced smile before Cory turned back to Shawn and put an arm around his shoulders - "Thanks for that Shawn. Hey can you drop by my house later?"

Topanga stood and collected her bag as she waited.

"Yeah sure, I'll see you then?"

Cory nodded and smiled before leaving with Topanga at his side and Shawn felt like the worst kind of friend. What best friend fought a constant tug of war over someone he could never have all while wishing them both the best? If he could blame these feelings on the mutual breakup between himself and Angela, he would but he'd be a dirty liar and he knew it. Cory Matthews was his whole world and always had been, no one came close to that kind of love.

 

"Hey Shawn!," Eric greeted with a smile as Shawn let himself into Cory and Eric's shared room.

"Eric," he replied, returning the smile.

Eric stood helplessly as he stared from Shawn to Cory who was currently sprawled out on his bed. "Is that mom calling? You know, I think I heard her. I'M COMING, MOM!"

When it came to exiting a conversation Eric wasn't party to, he wasn't the best at it.

Shawn crossed the room and nudged Cory aside on the bed to squish in beside of him - "So? I'm guessing you and Topanga are back on?"

Cory grinned - "Yeah we are."

"That's good. That's real good, Cor'."

And it was - to a certain extent. He'd successfully reunited them so why did he feel sick rather than satisfaction?

Cory flipped over on his side to face him - "Couldn't have did it without you."

Shawn shrugged - "I guess."

"What would've happened if...I'd said no?," Cory asked.

"You'd be crazy to do that."

Cory laughed - "You're the crazy one here, not me."

Shawn couldn't deny that - what was he even doing here? Punishing himself, that's exactly what he was doing.

"If you say so. It's getting late, I should probably go," Shawn replied as he scooted off of the bed and made for the door.

"You just got here," Cory countered as he blocked the door.

"Yeah but it's gonna be dark soon and I'm sure Eric wants his room back."

He attempted to peel Cory off of the door and groaned when Cory refused to give in. "Fine. Okay. What's on your mind that's so important?"

"Why'd you do it, Shawny?"

Shawn sat on the window seat and stared out at the rain; the sky grew dark with the looming threat of a thunderstorm. "You know why."

Cory retreated from his post at the door and sat down next to him, knees pressing together and shoulders brushing - every touch that Shawn pretended not to notice. Somehow they'd never addressed personal space; it simply didn't exist between them and that was just as well.

"Even if Topanga wasn't in the picture anymore I wouldn't walk away."

 _Of course he wouldn't, that's just the kind of person Cory is;_ Shawn thought to himself.

He nodded and bit his lip in lieu of replying and kept his eyes focused on the rain spilling down the window pane before collecting in small puddles.

" _Shawn_ , look at me. I feel like I'm talking to myself here," Cory said as he tugged on Shawn's face; hand gently holding onto his chin.

"I heard you Cor'. I get it."

"I don't think you do," Cory countered as he stroked a thumb over Shawn's cheek and held his gaze - he had a way of doing that that made Shawn want to throw caution to the wind and spill his guts.

"Cory," he replied - it came out more of a hushed whisper than the tone he'd intended.

He didn't miss how Cory licked his lips without breaking eye contact.

As if in slow motion or a dream that might never come true, he watched as Cory tilted his head to the side and leaned in.

 _Go with it,_ Shawn told himself as he closed his eyes and mirrored Cory with hand lightly holding onto his cheek.

A small part of him screamed at him that this was beyond wrong - that he'd all but shoved Cory and Topanga together only to find himself starving for something he couldn't have only right now? Right now, the sky was the limit.

"Left my jacket in here I'll just...- oh. Um. It's not important, I can get it later. It's not like it's snowing or anything," Eric muttered before dashing out the door as quickly as he'd came and shutting it behind him.

And just like that, the moment was lost.

Shawn quickly put space between them - "Think I'll head home, I'll see you tomorrow."

Cory watched as Shawn stalked to the door without giving him a chance to block it this time.

After Shawn had returned home; soaking wet and shivering - he'd replayed the moment over and over in his head until he'd convinced himself that it was a simple mistake. It was Cory rebounding and thanking his best friend because best friends kissed one another...right?


	2. I'm alive so it must be you

Cory disappeared into the men's restroom and came back sans makeup and tight waitress uniform - he hadn't bothered to pack extra clothes for Shawn.

"Now that you're all dressed up and dumped your date do you wanna go somewhere else? Unless of course, you're interested in that guy over there," Cory said as he pointed across Chubbies at a guy about their age with cropped hair and athletic build - he wasn't ugly. Not even close but at the current moment Shawn was wearing a green velvet mini dress with heels and makeup - not that he minded but he was only interested in one person. Only ever _Cory._

Topanga threw away her empty cup and collected her purse - "I'll leave you boys to it."

Cory smiled and pecked her on the cheek - "Sure you don't wanna join us?"

She did a quick sweep over Shawn's ensemble and hair that she'd painstakingly curled and brushed - "That's a tempting offer but it looks like you're taken for tonight. You can pay me back by carrying _my_ books tomorrow."

"I'll do that, I'll do just that," Cory replied, enthusiastically before hugging her and draping his arm around Shawn's shoulders. 

Shawn recalled their conversation a few days ago and how he'd admitted that yes he'd thought of what his name would be had he been born a female and how Cory had stared at him as if he were astounded at the thought. Truth be told Shawn had spent many a night imagining a Cory who didn't need him to wear a dress and ten pounds of makeup to find him attractive and worthy of showing off.

She threw a wave over her shoulder before leaving without another word.

"Alright Shawny, where should we go?"

"How about that little mom and pop coffee shop that opened last week?"

Cory shrugged - "Sounds good to me, lets go."

 

The first thing that Shawn noticed was how often Cory's eyes strayed - not to the miracle bra or the way the dress hugged the curve but rather; they wandered to his legs and waist - openly admiring and not bothering with hiding it as if his best friend wearing a dress was a free pass to oogle.

Not that Shawn minded. With anyone else? Yes especially the creep he'd been set up with. The man had honestly wooed him for half a second when he'd insisted that Shawn, er, Veronica, could tell him anything but then he got handsy and that was that. With Cory things were different, acceptable.

After they were seated at a table in the back - (courtesy of a tall waitress with short auburn hair and big brown eyes that Shawn would normally have been interested in) Cory reached across the table and took Shawn's hand in his own.

"How does it feel to be a woman?," he asked.

Shawn smirked - "The only difference (besides the hair and clothes) is the attention that I'm getting. I don't know Cor', I might keep my hair like this. What'you think?"

He accentuated the question with running a hand through it and enjoying every minute of watching Cory fumble over his words and blush.

"Your dates might prefer someone with a little less hairspray. I mean I don't mind it but...well I'm just saying that they might."

"Cory, relax. It's too much effort; I'd end up being late for class every morning."

"You're _always_ late for class."

"Not so. I beat the bell by 2 minutes,thank you."

"You've timed it?"

Shawn shrugged - "I might've."

A beat passed with silence as Cory squeezed Shawn's hand and he returned the affection. It felt nice to be able to hold Cory's hand in public or at all for that matter. So far they'd passed as your average teenage couple sitting down to coffee (and the cookies Shawn had insisted on) together.

"How am I doing? Am I a good date or are you gonna hit me with the tab and leave?," Shawn joked.

"Well you haven't groped me or insulted me so I guess I'll give you credit for that - yes you're a good date."

"Hey Cor'?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you ever thought about if...if I wasn't a boy?"

Cory raised an eyebrow - "Are you trying to tell me something, Shawny?"

_Everything._

"I don't wanna be a girl, geez. No, I'm asking if I _were_ a girl and you were - well, _you,_ would we still be best friends?"

That label had always loosely fit them and they were forever straddling the line between best friends and -as Morgan liked to remind Cory right in front of Shawn - boyfriends.

"I don't see why not but I don't think we could share clothes anymore," Cory said with a laugh.

Shawn glared - not hard enough to let on that this conversation wasn't going as he'd like it to but enough to let Cory know that he was asking a serious question.

"Forever, right? You and me? There's no small font at the bottom of that, Shawn."

"But you like me when I'm not _this_ right?," Shawn gestured over his chest and torso.

"Why wouldn't I? Shawn you're my best friend and I'd still like you even if you grew your hair out and filled it with beads."

The tension between them seemed to ease a bit at that. "Well I _am_ the package deal after all," Shawn smirked.

Cory nodded - "That you are, my friend."

Shawn wasn't sure if Cory even knew what he was admitting to; that any girl (or guy for that matter) would be lucky to call him hers but somehow this was enough.

"So...I was thinking that we need something juicy for the paper so it'd catch peoples attention more."

"You think _this_ isn't enough? My feet are killing me from these shoes and this lipstick tastes like wax."

"Hear me out, you - as Veronica - kiss me and we'll use the two of us as an example of how a proper date should go."

Shawn was finding it hard to breathe all of a sudden, pulse sounding like a roar in his ears.

"Cor' we can't do that."

"I don't see why not," Cory retorted.

"One word - Topanga."

"She won't be mad; it's for the paper."

Shawn wanted to run as far away as he could get from this moment; it was everything he wanted yet it was under the guise of being someone else entirely. Not Shawn Hunter who had fallen head over heels for his childhood best friend and couldn't be away from him for more than a few hours - Veronica. A persona they'd created together; a fraud with curves and Shawn's dark eyes. Instead he did the next best thing and removed his hand from Cory's.

"I'm a _boy,_ Corey, as Topanga likes to remind you," he snarked. He hadn't intended for it to come out so petty, so jealous but it had and he couldn't call it back.

"You don't think I know that? Shawn I've known you our whole lives, you're the only person (besides Topanga of course) that's a guy that I'd ever ask that of. It's for the paper. Besides, we could do it here and no one would even know. Wouldn't that be fun?"

Fun wasn't a word Shawn would apply to this situation - nerve racking moreso.

He sighed heavily - "Just the once."

Cory grinned from ear to ear as if he'd just been informed that he'd won the lottery. "I knew you'd come around. Now come here, babe."

Shawn smiled - "Babe?"

"Trying it out for size is all. You like?"

"I like."

"Shawn."

"Cory."

"You have to lean in to do this, you haven't moved. Don't leave me to do all the heavy lifting."

Shawn bit his lip and scanned the room quickly for any sign of Mr. Feeny or anyone else they might know. They seemed to pop up at the worst times. Finding only a sea of unfamiliar faces he scooted forward on his seat as Cory brushed the hair out of his eyes like he'd did a million times before.

He could turn away, he should; it would be easier and Cory wouldn't be able to see every feeling he ever buried, in his eyes but he held the gaze instead. The sound around them seemed to muffle out until it was nothing but static in the background along with blurry faces and the smell of freshly ground coffee (and the half eaten Cinnabon on Cory's plate of course; courtesy of Shawn) as Shawn met Cory halfway.

He waited then, staring into Cory's eyes and simply breathing - it felt more intimate than any girl he'd ever romanced or dated up until that two week cut off point.

"Are you gonna kiss me or not, Shawny?"

It dawned on Shawn then that the moniker he'd adopted hadn't been present since they'd left Chubbies. This wasn't Cory and Veronica; it was Cory and Shawn - natural in the way that they seamlessly blended in with the other couples.

He licked his lips and leaned in before he lost his courage - the first touch was like nothing he'd ever experienced. A spark that had failed to live up to its full glory in every relationship he'd been in even with Angela and he'd truly loved her, was beyond heartbroken when she left.

Cory curved a hand around the nape of Shawn's neck and pulled him in to continue the kiss - tongue making shy contact as Shawn cupped Cory's face in his palms and kissed him slowly, drawing it out and leaving no space that didn't bare his touch. He felt dizzy and his skin tingled where Cory's hand was and Cory must've felt it as well because he made a sound low in his throat before reaching across the table without breaking the kiss and lacing his fingers with Shawn's.

They were interrupted by a nearby couple who rudely cleared their throats as if to remind them that they were making out in public.

Cory drew back then dipped back in to suck at the bottom of Shawn's lip then settled back in his chair with chest rising and falling faster than it had been and lips still parted.

Shawn knew he was blushing from the top of his head down to his toes but he hoped that the makeup covered it.

"You have a little something...um...lipstick right here," he murmured as he attempted to rub off the lipstick with his thumb and only succeeded in further smearing it. There was a small satisfaction in knowing that _he_ made Cory look that disheveled with lipstick smeared on his lips; still kiss bruised and cheeks pink. 

Shawn pulled back after a moment and handed him a napkin instead - "Topanga doesn't wear this shade of lipstick."

Cory smirked - "And neither do you."

"I do today or I _did._ I'm pretty sure it's all over you now. Tastes awful, right?"

"Not bad actually."

Shawn grinned and bit his lip - "Juicy enough for you?"

He'd put everything he had into that kiss and let himself get lost in it.

"Maybe."

Shawn feigned exasperation - "What so my kisses aren't good enough for you?"

Cory fidgeted and stared at his coffee cup; now having grown cold - "Eh, Veronica is really good at it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Shawn wanted to ask if that meant _he_ was a good kisser or whether it meant that Cory preferred stolen kisses from his alter ego but realized how absolutely silly it sounded even in his head.

"Could use some work, little sloppy," Cory remarked, purposely taking a jab at Shawn and hoping he'd take the bait.

Shawn gestured at himself - " _ME?_ You're looking at the king of kissing. I don't wanna brag or anything but....You could use some practice though, thought you were gonna bite my tongue off."

"You're on," Cory challenged.

"For what?"

"If you're such a good kisser then prove it. My house tonight."

Shawn contemplated this, weighing the repercussions - "I won't be wearing this though, won't it be weird?"

"No weirder than you sleeping in my bed in the Summer."

"Deal," he replied and stuck out a hand.

Cory's palms were clammy as they shook hands; as if he were as nervous about this as Shawn. 

 

This was Shawn's bullet and he'd taken it straight to the heart.


	3. and here is the tabernacle reconstructed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love, for you,  
>  is larger than the usual romantic love. It’s like a religion. It’s  
>  terrifying.

_And here is the tabernacle reconstructed._

_Here is the part where everyone was happy all the time and we were all_

_forgiven,_

_even though we didn’t deserve it._

[Siken]

 

"So how's my future brother doing?," Morgan teased; poking Shawn in the chest.

"Cory, she's doing it again," he complained as he straightened his bow tie.

Cory made his way across the room to Shawn and wagged his finger at Morgan - "He's not your brother and you know it, stop making it weird."

She cocked her head to the side and smirked - " _You're_ involved, it'll always be weird."

"Get outta here," Shawn teased. She rolled her eyes and made a beeline for Angela instead.

Shawn took a deep breath and turned to Cory - "Ready for this?"

"Are you kidding? I was born ready for this."

Shawn grinned and pressed a chaste kiss to Cory's cheek. They'd exchanged their vows in front of a chapel of loved ones from both sides save for Chet. They'd lit a candle right after in honor of him.

"Save it for the honeymoon!," teased Topanga as she made her way over to them.

Her hair was carefully curled and tucked back along the top to allow tendrils to fall at the sides and she wore a knee length lilac dress that accentuated her curves.

"Wow, don't _you_ clean up nice," remarked Shawn as he stepped back to admire.

"It isn't everyday that your two best friends get married, I had to look my best."

Shawn wrapped an arm around Cory's waist and gently squeezed - "Listen...I'm really happy that you came. If this is too strange for you-," he began.

She placed a hand on both of their faces as if she were admiring a small child, and smiled - "I wouldn't miss it for the world. You did go with the cake suggestion I made though, right?"

"Carrot cake? Yeah, a little different for a wedding but I think it worked," Shawn remarked as he eyed what was left of the cake.

"If I don't get over there Eric isn't going to leave any for the rest of us," she replied with a grin.

Eric was currently piling three slices onto his plate as they spoke.

"Congratulations, both of you. For the record, I called this ages ago."

Shawn and Cory looked from one another then back to her - "How?"

Topanga shrugged - "Easy - he loved you as much as I did and he looked at you in the same way."

Eric meandered over with a plate piled up with cake and spoke before he even swallowed - "Nuh-uh. I knew it before you did."

Topanga eyed his plate - "Did you leave any for the rest of us?"

He guiltily shoveled in more cake and opted not to answer.

"You. Stay there, don't come near that cake," she lectured with a finger in his direction.

He pulled a face as if to say that he hadn't taken _that_ much and there was plenty left.

"No," she added as she walked away.

 

The reception was small and casual and the line of well wishers seemed never ending - Angela to neighbors on the opposite side of Mr. Feeny had showed; some that Cory had never met but his parents had insisted they invite; friends.

"Mr. Hunter, Mr. Matthews. I'd like to wish you both a happy and healthy marriage. I have watched the two of you grow up and it was truly my privilege to attend your wedding. When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with it's almost like opening a book that has no letters, no numbers to mark each page. It's up to both of you to ensure that the book is a long one with honesty and understanding and I trust that you'll both fare well with that. After all, Mr. Hunter here is quite the poet. I'm sure I'll see your name on a bookshelf at some point in the future."

Somehow the man had a way of saying exactly what they needed to hear and it was impossible to not tear up.

"Thank you, Mr. Feeny. For everything," Shawn said as he tugged him into a tight hug as Cory followed.

As they pulled away, he smiled and clapped them both on the back before leaving.

Angela was the last to congratulate them, choosing to fall back until the others were finished.

"I guess congratulations are in order," she said; face beaming with happiness. She would always love Shawn and they'd shared something special but she'd also known when to walk away - when that love was only halfway there because Shawn had given his heart away long before she came into the picture. After the breakup they'd hugged and went their separate ways with the occasional phone call to check in. All in all it was civil.

Shawn spread both arms out wide as she stepped into them and embraced him then lightly kissed his cheek before turning to Cory.

"You're a lucky man, Cory. Take good care of him."

Cory looked over at his new husband and couldn't agree more.

_Lucky._

He reached over and took Shawn's hand in his own and squeezed - "I will."

And he meant it just as Shawn had meant it when he said (all those years ago) that they'd be together forever, through everything.

She smiled at both of them then found a seat next to Topanga who was currently enjoying the cake as Eric stretched out beside of her and complained about his stomach hurting.

"It's you and me now and it's gonna be you and me forever," Shawn whispered, echoing words he'd said as a child - knowing even then how important Cory Matthews would be to him. 

"Mr. Cory," Cory grinned. 

"Mr. Cory," Shawn echoed and dragged him in for a kiss. 

Nearby, Mr. and Mrs. Matthews snapped photo's of the happy couple as she sniffled. 

 

_ I always thought Topanga was the one person I could never live without but she's gone and I'm alive so it must be you. Shawny, I love you.  _

_ Yeah I love you too, Cory and I'm not ashamed.  _


End file.
